The Guns
Last Game Result: Feb 25 2012
| Team | 1 | 2 | 3 | F | ||
| The Guns | 0 | 1 | 3 | 4 | ||
| Grizzlys « | 3 | 3 | 0 | 6 | ||
| Play-By-Play | Boxscore | ||||||
Goal Scorers: Denis L (03:42 in 2nd), Brian S (00:03 in 3rd), Brian S (08:42 in 3rd), Lance P (19:17 in 3rd)
Goaltender: Kelly W (L)
| Coming Up |
|---|
| Nothing Scheduled |
Playoff Leaders
| Points | Lance P | 3 |
| Goals | Brian S | 2 |
| Assists | Gerry D & Lance P | 2 |
| PIM | Cal R | 6 |
| SO | Kelly W | 0 |
| Wins | Kelly W | 0 |
| GAA | Kelly W | 6.00 |
Regular Season Leaders
| Points | Dillon G | 22 |
| Goals | Dillon G | 16 |
| Assists | Gerry D | 14 |
| PIM | Garrett H | 28 |
| SO | 3 Players Tied | 0 |
| Wins | Josh A & Kevin S | 1 |
| GAA | Josh A | 4.89 |
2012 Parker Xmas Photo LEAKED!!!
Posted by: Gerry D on Fri Dec 16th 2011 12:27pm
The 2012 edition of the Parker Family Xmas photo has been leaked on TMZ.... well, we bring it to you second then....
Guns building character
Posted by: Gerry D on Wed Dec 07th 2011 2:08pm
After along holiday away from the game, it is once again time to update you on the past number of games the Guns have played as well as team news and notes.
Here is a coles notes version of the last 5 games (past to present)
5th game vs Griz 5-1 loss - not surprising with Rod in the lineup things got heated. Penalties were taken, jabs thrown but not even a shit kicking to boost the moral happened! Rod the only star scoring the only goal and wanting to mess people up!
4th game vs Barons 7-0 loss - not surprising #91on the Barons destroyed us again. How come when the Guns get older, they arent getting better with age like a fine wine like #91 is? No stars for this game. Shut out.... weak!!!!
3rd game vs Moose 5-4 WIN - this was the Dillon show. Speed, skill, creativity. Not only did he win this game on his shoulders, he had the twin sisters cheerleading the Moose dripping with evny of his skill. They however wanted to get the Moose to file a protest claiming "we brought up a Peewee AAA player". 1st star Dillon!
2nd game vs Cheifs 2-2 WIN - yes 2-2 is a tie, however this was against those bastard Chiefs folks!!! That is a win in my books! Especially considering when you can get in a teams kitchen so much so that they complain and whine about icying the puck.... that is brilliant!!! 1st star goalie Josh!
last game vs Dynamo 3-1 loss - with a 2 game unbeaten streak this game was strictly the Guns not wanting to play themselves into the "A" side. A 3 game unbeaten streak with 2 wins would have surely jumped the Guns from 11th to probably a tie for 9th. That is playing on thin ice for sure! 1st star - gotta be Scotty for not puking and surviving his 2nd game back.
In other team news Cop and Cal are likely better forwards than dman, Cap is certainly a better dman than forward and Gerry/Moe/Scotty need to attend dry land training more often!
The Guns get a much deserved break having the week off, but will need the rest as they face the Legends next. Fox should rig the work schedule so Lee is working and we should make sure to have more than 7 skaters for this attempt at a win!!!
Till next time!
Superhero Rick Burton!
Posted by: Gerry D on Tue Oct 11th 2011 3:11pm
A weekend in the life of a hockey superstar
(The Story of Rick Burton, by Rick Burton)
Thursday October 13 Rick Burton (as editor of this fine website i have to interject already.... i'm not sure what calendar Rick is using, but the following story did actually happen this past weekend. The date does suggest some foreshaddowing, however that is misleading! sorry... continue) is feverishly working as per usual for Uncle Agrium. When an email from his brother in law comes to his desk. “Rick the Young (Oops I mean Guns) need you this weekend so bring your equipment up with you. We have Fourns on the 60 day IR with Gout, Mandy retired, Roblin retired because he cant lift his shoulders above his head to smash his stick against the glass anymore, Moe took a flex day, Neil was playing ringette and basically it is a typical Saturday night game for the Guns. Right there I said to myself “ The Guns need my skill, I cant let them down. “ It really helped me make my mind up that I was going to be wearing the famous #61. He is the only guy in the history of the Guns to score on a breakaway skating backwards! His legend is even here in Calgary! He is also a role model for me.
Driving to the game is when I realized that I did not have any gloves to play like the machine I am! However it was nice of the Chiefs (sorry, editor again.... by Chiefs he means Indians. Same but different) to lend me a pair. Even though they smelled like someone took a shit in them put them in a microwave then froze them and then took another shit in them!
Upon arriving in the dressing room I was greeted with the usual friendly greetings. That is when I realized there was only 8 people in the dressing room and I only knew 3 of them.
Another great turnout for Guns Hockey! I made my way over to sit beside the Top Cop. I listened to his bullshit for about 15 minutes and told him to shut his bitch mouth or I would knock it in. He then teared up and left the dressing room. Then Capt said something to him about coming in on a chicken or something like that.
On to the game action:
Here is how I remember it.
1st Period
Top Cop (once again failed to get back to his end) got back the puck at center ice. Then he skated like a young Gary Zucht over the Chiefs blue line and “blasted” a shot that somehow the drunk goalie blew. 1-0 Guns
Chiefs Scored 1-1
2nd Period
Playing like I normally do. (Like a wizard) One of the Chief players said to me” Hey Moe you got better looking since the last time I saw you” Remembering I was wearing the famous #61, I became enraged that they called my idol ugly. That is when a pass from some dude I don’t know ended up on my stick and I fucking blasted the shit out of that puck! 2-1 Guns! That was for Morris!
3rd Period
Chiefs score 2-2
Some dude scores I don’t know 3-2 Guns
Last 45 seconds. The Chiefs have the mighty Guns hemmed in their own end. I look at the bench my old bro in law is in tears. Apparently his crotch felt like an open zipper. Thankfully we had another 2 guys to sub us out. Oh no thats right they were in the penalty box resting. So all 3 that were out there already (Capt , me , some dude) now had to drag Frenchy out onto the ice. Before the face off we placed French in front of the net on all 4’s and said “you stay down and spear anybody that comes near you”. He did that like a champ! Basically all three of us skated around like ballerinas and the goalie (some other dude) stood on his head to hold on to the win. GUNS WIN GUNS WIN
Also some dude bodychecked some dude and I think I got suspended because of that. So apparently I owe a flat of beer now. Not sure how that works but whatever.
After that we picked Frenchy up and all of us had a shower and drank beer. Then went through a check stop then went to OJ’s (where we met up with Newly retired Gun (Mandy) played pool did a tequila shot. Puked my guts out all over that parking lot. Felt like a bag of shit too the next day. Good times!
2011-2012 Season coming soon to an arena near you!
Posted by: Gerry D on Thu Sep 08th 2011 12:18pm
With the new season just around the corner I thought it was time to refresh the website, get myself accustomed to the in's and out's of it again and more than anything, a reason to search for hot pictures again. (Garth, you let me know if any of the pics I use are too much for that old heart of yours)
Guns lose kiss your sister cup ~
Posted by: Gerry D on Mon Mar 21st 2011 11:04am
Well, another version of the "Kiss your sister cup" was played out over the weekend and it will go down in the books as an 8-5 loss against the Cripplers... the score does fit the game as the Guns didnt carry the play or force the issue too too much, however another late 3rd period attempted comeback was a spirited effort. One player was quoted as saying "if we just had another 13 minutes we would have won that game"....
The flying squirrel played his first game in over a month and was solid. Maybe a little timid in the first couple minutes testing out his new back replacement for goalies over 40 years of age, but like most games the shot clock wasnt broken, he did face 50+ shots AGAIN and was the back bone this night.
Offence was pretty bleak, except that provided by the wirery, long legged, speedy dman Coleman! 2 goals by #10, another assist and surely the teams first star. Earning that first star may be partly for his off ice efforts as well.... more on that later.
The rest of the game story isnt interesting enough as it really was just a ho-hum kind of game.
A very touching moment after the game though as Guns brass (owner, president, manager, coach and captain) David Coleman gave a moving 21 second speech to 4 fans in attedance and then a 7 second video montage of current UFA Jason Fournier who the team does not expect to play in the ESGHL as his skill's just dont keep up with the play anymore, and his apparent leash doesnt reach to Gibbons or Redwater.
In true Gun's style however the post game partying was again gut splitting and historic. Needing to be escorted out of the dressing room as the next ice session players wait in the hallway, the Gun's attack on the coolers was well underway. Spinner, Uke, Frenchy, Witz, Dillon, Gerry and suspended Lewis were making quick work of the supplies. Moving the party out into the arena to watch the last 10min of the Moose/Griz game the group of Guns mocked Shaw and quickly got in his kitchen allowing the Moose to score 4 un-answered goals to victory of the B cup. Follow that up with a mocking of the zamboni driver, and then endless ridicule of the pick up hockey game that followed. A few more drinks, and another version of E.T's (enlarged testical) story and it would soon be time to move the party to the curling club. By the end of our time at the rink we had finished 2.5 - 26's of rum and 1 - 26 of rye and the better part of all the beer. Also an impressive moment, and part of him earning the 1st star was Cap rejoining us in Gibbons after rushing to the Fort for his sons hockey game. I guess the endless texts of young girls partying with us, texts telling him he will have to drive Uke and Spinner and Frenchy home drew Cap back to the Gib to continue the post game partying.
The curling rink partying could have gotten out of hand I believe, if we werent already drinking for 5 hours and most a few sheets to the wind already.
After most of the Fort crew stumbled out of the rink off to their beds, Frenchy, Beet and Dutka got to sit through a wonderful rendition of "A drunk man, with a very short fuse" put on by Lewis. At some point in the night, Lewis swore that the guy that he didnt know, that was socialable, chatty and generally just out for a good time, was setting Lewis up for a fight. Lewis was convinced that this guy was just milking Rod along, waiting till the right moment and then they would jump him! A fantastic performance by Rod at our table, holding himself back, telling us he will come to the table and tell us when he would have to fight.... but not that he wants us to step in! HAHAHA It was shortly after that, that it was pointed out to him that the guy was actually his cousins boy friend, and that was probably why he had sort of recognized him! CLASSIC!!!!
I have to say that once again this has been a killer winter and season with the Guns. If you have any summer time stories you want posted on here, especially the ones that make fun of Fourns, send them my way and I will see that they get posted on here!
Check back periodically as for Rick, I may just post random pictures of women and their goodies for him! HAHA
Toodaloo folks!
